Valkyrie Crusade: Meet the Archwitches
by Essay King of VC
Summary: Ever wonder what happens when an Archwitch has free time? Well, a lot of things, like destroying their own home by accident, gossiping, planning pranks, finding out conspiracies and all that crud. Join the Archwitches as they go through life in the Gods' Castle, prank after drama, drama after prank.
1. The Archwitch History

_Disclaimers: Valkyrie Crusade is owned by Nubee. I do not own it. Anything happening in this story is pure fiction. All events that are shown do not appear in the game nor do they appear in and other 'VC'-related media. Please support the game and please review my fanfic._

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_**The Celestial Realm, a place of magic and might, flying islands and a lush grassland on the ground, and Valkyries and Gods. Unknown to nearly everyone on Earth, it was a place created before the Blue Planet, when God had brightened the Universe with stars. The Celestial Realm was God and his Angel's personal home, where he oversaw the people he had created. Books date the Celestial Realm to be about close to a billion years old, and that was true. The Celestial Realm was God's personal Library, where he recorded all that had happened on Earth, from the making of Adam and Eve, up till the more recent events, like civil wars and World Wars. Basically, the Celestial Realm was God's home, and no one knew about it until the 'Great Valkyrie Wars'.**_

_**Many years ago, lesser, but more revered Gods started to appear out of nowhere, and they begged the Lord to give them a place where they can judge the people of Earth and bless or curse them. Seeing how desperate they were, he created another home and gave the Gods the Celestial Realm as a gift. But the Gods were not as merciful as the Lord, and they twisted the Celestial Realm, turning it into a wasteland of evil and sin. It was then that the Gods decided that, with these newfound powers, they could rule people. But God, who had suspected the future-scourges of Earth, had secretly taken from the Gods all their powers to judge humans so he could be the only one to judge the people he created.**_

_**It was then that the Gods, seeing how they were cunningly swindled by a God they could not bond with, decided to take a few humans from Earth to reside in the Celestial. In 1500BC, the first human to set foot in the Celestial Realm, Eved Kayne, also became the first to be enslaved by the Gods. He, and a handful of other, was forced to work for the Gods for nothing but small rations and crumbling shelter. Many years will pass, and many more people will come to the Celestial Realm to work for the Gods.**_

_**It was many hundreds of years later that one man would rise up from the peasants and slaves and conquer the Gods. In 132BC, Cletus Sightseer, a slave working on completing a stone statue, started his rebellion by accidentally destroying the head of the statue, which he later proclaimed to have 'done on purpose to rouse the weak'. Seeing how brave he was, the other slaves rose against the Gods and fought with the slave drivers, killing all but one, who was sent to convey a message to the Gods about their Uprising. Raiding an arms warehouse, they fought with the people who tried to suppress the riot. Cletus, who was once taught by his father, a retired Earth General, to strategize, had effectively countered the suppressors, and they slowly took over the Celestial Realm, secretly with the help of God, who had blessed them to succeed in battle.**_

_**The Gods, seeing how well the humans were fighting back, had announced to them that they have waged war with them, and the 'Great Valkyrie War' started. This war marked the first time in many years that the Celestial Realm started to grow greenery and the sky started to turn from an ominous red to an enlightening blue. It was also the first time Valkyries were used to fight. The Gods introduced these Valkyries during the fifth battle, known as the 'Battle of Maidens'. They proved to be a success, because the humans, who were mainly composed of men, dared not hit women. **_

_**This enticed the Gods to find more Valkyries, but seeing how slow their 'production' was, they devised a plan. With their God-like powers, they created items known as 'Valkyrie Cards', which could be used to summon a copy of a Valkyrie they owned, and it could be infinitely produced. And so the Revolution was slowly being beaten by the overwhelming wave of Valkyries, until one day when Cletus found out that the Valkyries weren't real, they were actually cards. If one was to kill these 'copies', they would just simply disappear into thin air and fall as cards, which were mainly cut in a fashion similar to the attacker's attack. **_

_**Cletus immediately rallied his troops to meet the Gods' Valkyrie army face-to-face at the wastelands, and with his strategizing skills and moral boosting, he had, for the first time, successfully defeated the Valkyrie army, and proving to his soldiers that all the Valkyries were mere copies, so there was no fear in hurting them. It was not long until they captured one of the Valkyries. At first sight, Cletus became fond of the Valkyrie. With encouraging words, the Valkyrie decided to side with the humans. It was the first time a Valkyrie had become a human ally. This Valkyrie was also the first to call Cletus 'Lord', which would one day be passed down through the Valkyrie generations and would give birth to The Lords, which included Shawn King.**_

_**Slowly, the humans took most of the Celestial Realm as theirs, and not long after that, they found the Gods Castle, located in a place in the sky where the clouds would clump and where the sun would shine the most delicate. The Gods had finally been cornered. They agreed to make terms with the humans, allowing them to rule themselves and other minor things to help the people live better. Surprisingly, Cletus rejected the offer about the people governing themselves. Instead, he planned a council of, not people, but Valkyries to give them law and order, but not rule them. This council would one day be named the V.A. , or Valkyrie and Alliance Nurturing Guard. **_

_**Ten years after the Valkyrie Wars, in 97BC, Earth Time, Cletus breathed his last. The people mourned for him for ten days and ten nights, and his revolutionary banner became the Celestial Realm's 'National' treasure. The council (known as the 'Great Council' at the time) set a term with the humans, who had no kingdom of their own in the Celestial Realm. Every year, they would summon up to ten people from Earth, and if they were chosen my God himself, they would become 'Lords' who would rule their own Kingdom and fight or become comrades. And so they mapped what the Lords were capable of and what they could and could not do. At first, people guarded these Lords, and at the time, they were already adequate for the task.**_

_**Quite recently, in 1998, Earth Time, the Gods, seeing how comfortable the people were living now, suddenly attacked the populace with a stash of Valkyrie Cards they had secretly mustered over the years, killing off most of the weaker Lords and imprisoning a few others. The council had complained to the Gods, but those complaints fell to deaf ears. So the council had to drastically change their course of action. Now, instead of using ordinary people to guard the Lords, they instead gave Valkyries that job, seeing how the Valkyrie population had boomed recently. **_

_**And so the second, more minor 'Great Valkyrie War' started, with the Gods, now unsuccessfully, trying to get back the land they once owned, and the Lords, now more prepared than ever, fighting back the Gods and maybe destroying them once and for all. **_

_**Shawn King joined the battle on 2012, and quickly escalated into one of the most powerful Lords, garnering a huge army of Valkyries but strangely only taking five along every time (This would become a tradition for new Lords).**_

_**Behind all the fighting, the council (now known by its current name) and the Gods were negotiating terms. They both agreed on one thing, events. Weekly, sometimes monthly, the council would release an event location for the Lords to explore and be preoccupied, while the Gods get to live and fight the Lords another day. But behind the council's back, the Gods had secretly kept a few Valkyries, those who were never summoned by the Lords or were always thrown away and shunned. These Valkyries had grown a tempting hatred against the Lords which the Gods thought could be used to their advantage. And so on every event, they would send their Valkyries, labeled by the council (after they found out) as 'Archwitches', who, when defeated, were given power by the Gods to try again and defeat the Lords. These Archwitches would one day be a staple for Lords around the Celestial Realm, and the announcements of the new Archwitches were common. **_

_**Okay, I've told you much about the history of the Celestial Realm, but why? Well, until this day, Archwitches have been shrouded in mystery, and no one knew what they did in the Gods Castle, where they reside. Well, I'm here to decode that mystery for you readers…**_

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Cu Sith, with a dog on her lap, gave a loud but unnoticeable yawn. It was her second day working for the Gods, and nothing exciting was happening. Sure, she had met and bonded with the other Valkyries, especially Cait Sith, but other than that, nothing else. There were no places of interest in the Castle, and she was confined to playing with her trusty dog.

Now, why was Cu Sith here, anyway? In the past, the Lords, who were starting to use Valkyries, saw her as a weak, useless SR-classed Valkyrie, and so they mainly medal-ed her (meaning sending her back to her world and receiving medals). Well, it's not like she liked them, their cocky, arrogant persona deterring her, but she wanted to be useful for once and to prove to them how she could help them in their conquest. So after many failed attempts, she turned to the Gods, who took her in just yesterday.

Sniffing the air, she could smell the scent of the moon and cut bamboo, a sure tale sigh of one of the new Valkyries, Princess Kaguya, who was never summoned. Looking to the door, the Princess came in. "Woof! Hey, Kaguya!" Cu Sith gave her biggest smile, in hopes of making her play with her. Even her tail was wagging uncontrollably. Sadly, that wasn't the case. "Now is not the time, dog. I am only here to pass through…"

This made Cu Sith sulk like there was no tomorrow. The boring level was hitting an all time high. If there was no source of entertainment, Cu Sith swore that she would go insane and get rabies, and she knew what happened the last time she got rabies. "Aw, come on, play with me!" she begged the older Valkyrie, but Kaguya gave little attention to her pleas.

"Shush, you! You are of so little discipline! Maybe that is why no Lord has ever accepted you," Kaguya's harsh words stabbed Cu Sith like a sword. It was just utterly cruel! Before Kaguya could move another inch, a familiar voice echoed through the hallway behind her, "Hey, aren't you being a bit too mean on the new girl?" It was Succubus, and remember, when you're around Succubus, perverted stuff happens.

Two hands suddenly cupped on Kaguya's chest, and Succubus seductively whispered in her ears, "Especially one that is actually more flat-chested than her…" Kaguya's face started to burn up as she tried to wriggle her way out of the demon's soft, near-pleasurable touch. "H-hey, my chest is not flat!" she retaliated at her previous statement, but Succubus' hands confirmed it; her chest was as flat as a polished board. "So," muttered the demon in a joking voice, "Even bamboos have better knockers than you."

Suddenly, a blunt side of a sword slammed on to Succubus' head, knocking her out. Immediately looking behind to see who her savior was, Kaguya found Lich behind her, a sword on her hand. "Well, aren't you happy to be freed of her pleasing arms?" The Princess only grunted and looked away. "Well, if you don't wish to talk to me, then who cares," Lich bent down to grab Succubus' legs and pulled her away from the scene, "Of to bed with you." She then pulled her up the stairs, and Kaguya could hear the painful knocks of a skull colliding with the wood.

Cu Sith, staring at the scene, slouched down on the sofa when it ended. She was so close to being preoccupied, but now it started to get boring again. Maybe- "BOO~!" a ghastly voice screamed behind her. Startled by the loud noise, she instinctively lunged forward and fell to the ground head first. "Heheh, you scaredy-cat," snickered Ghost who had phased through the sofa. "I hate you, you know that…" groaned Cu Sith, her dog beside her licking her face in an attempt to calm her down.

"Wow, Sith, I just met you yesterday, and now you hate me…?" the spirit's voice was awfully sly, and Cu Sith didn't like that, "Oh yeah," Ghost's hands slowly levitated above the Valkyrie's bloomers, her fingers moving like worms as if they were ready to dig in to something. With a sudden movement, Ghost had grabbed Cu Sith's bloomers and pulled, "Nice butt! Hahahaha!" That was when she realized that the Valkyrie's bloomers were still intact. She had forgotten that she phased through everything.

"What did you try to do!?" Cu Sith stood up and tried to swipe the spirit, to no avail. Even her little dog tried to bite Ghost's legs. Of course, Ghost started to panic, thinking that the SR would injure her, "AHH, stop!" she screamed, trying to block her claws (Of course, her hands passed through hers).

"Hey, hey, hey!" Cupid's voice echoed through the room, "Stop fighting, guys! Have some love, please!" After breaking the squabble, she started to scold the two until they slept. "Whoa," Cait Sith peeked through the door, "A lot of stuff's happening now!" And so Cait Sith joined the fray. That was when everyone started to talk, other than Princess Kaguya, who watched the commotion.

The talking was soon interrupted by a rumble from another hallway. A strange, booming sound, as if it were a tsunami in a tight space…

"I smell saltwater…" Cu Sith muttered.

"Salt water?" Kaguya replied.

"Oh no, don't tell me…" groaned Cupid.

And before they knew it, a huge tsunami of water entered their field of vision, with Calypso surfing on top of it. "GANGWAY, GUYS!" she signaled to them, but by now, there was no escape from the thundering torrent of water. "Well…" said Ghost, "I've got some stuff to do, bye!" Immediately, she passed through the floor, leaving the others to their fate.

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With the last drop emptied from the watering can, Daphne had finished all her afternoon chores, which mainly consisted of watering the plants in the garden. Now all that was left was taking a bath in water filled with rose petals, and she was done for the day. Yes, you might say that this is a very boring routine, but she was okay with that. Heck, she liked the routine, because she could bond with the flowers and trees. Daphne wasn't like most people. She could hear the plants talk, and she could answer back and properly interact with them, and the plants would interact back. She loved that. Other than the plants, she never had any friends. Yes, her sisters, Calypso, Dione and Rhea would sometimes play with her, but that was it. No one else would interact with her, because she was the shyest in the family. So instead of going for people, in general, she turned to plants, and on the day she got her Valkyrie powers, she had interacted with hundreds of flower species, some of which were undocumented in her universe. Now, ten years of training how to use her powers, she was here, sitting on the garden bench, with a rose on her delicate fingers.

A slight breeze blew on her, and she knew why. "Dione, where are you?" she asked to whoever could hear her soft voice. Not surprisingly, a voice boomed out, "How did you know I was here?!" and Dione, the Sky goddess, descended from the wind and appeared in front of her. "Hey, have you seen Rhea? I'm looking for her right now."

"Why?" Daphne asked with her eyes set on the rose, not bothering to speak face-to-face with her sister. "Well, it's getting boring around here, so I thought that she could talk to me."

Daphne rolled her eyes. "So you don't want to play with me?" she asked with an innocent voice. "Nope, you're too boring," her sister bluntly answered, causing Daphne to fluster in anger, "B-but I can be fun too! Why are you so ignorant of me?!"

Dione flinched at her sister's response. Rarely would she ever see her sister this angry, and it was mainly on other people, but now her anger was aimed at her? Now that was just plain dangerous. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, chill down, sis! I don't mean it that way!" she tried to calm her sister down, to no avail. "So just because I never tried to interact with you when we were kids makes me a dull, boring person! You selfish, ignorant, arrogant-!"

Before she could finish her sentence, Rhea ran through them, causing them to stop fighting. "rhea? Where are you going?!" asked Dione. "Tsunami incoming!" Now the two raised their eyebrows, and looked to the right, to what Rhea was running from. And yes, it was a tsunami. With the other Valkyries trapped in the water. "HEY, SIS!" greeted Calypso, unaware of how shocked and frightened they looked, "Oh boy…"

And so nearly everyone was swept away by Calypso's tsunami, other than Ghost, who was hiding in the walls and Rhea, who was running as fast as she could, trying to outrun the water. Before long, the water caught up with her, and it took nearly a whole hour for the water to drain away and for the Gods to assess the situation and punish the Valkyries.

…

Does this happen every day? No. Does it happen once in a while? Maybe… But today was just a small insight of the Archwitches and what they did when there was nothing to do. Heck, they weren't even called Archwitches at this time. At first, the council never knew of them. Yes, they recorded of their disappearances from the summon list, but other than that, there was no data of the missing Valkyries. It was a mystery that no one had ever solved.

Well, that was until a week later…

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Somewhere in the council's main building, on a distant floating island, a man was writing illegitimate words on a piece of paper. It was done. The council and the Gods had finally agreed on a peace term, or sort of a peace term. The man was employed to write down what could be done with this term, and his imagination was running wild with ideas. He was planning the Celestial Realm's first Lord-and-Valkyrie-only event.

It was simple, the Gods didn't want to be defeated, and so the council had proposed a rule. Every week, or month, they would make an event where the Lords can hang out and make it seem as if it were a vacation zone, while the Gods also rest and try to not fight. With these events, they planned for the Gods and the Lords to stop fighting and forget each other completely. It was not a very smart idea, but at least it stopped war.

After some time of thinking, he had come up with a great plan. Sadly, in the present time, the documents have been destroyed and the man had passed away, along with his own personal records, so no one other than a few original people knew about the legendary 'First Event' and about the Gods double-crossing the council and sending Valkyrie Cards to attack the unprepared Lords…

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"Hey, guys…" Cupid started to speak in the little circle of Gods-owned Valkyries, attracting everyone's attention, "Today, the Gods called me to meet them." Now this piques their interest. Rarely would the Valkyries ever get called up, and if they did, it would be a one-time chance. That was what Cupid told them. "And they told me this: 'You shall be our first 'Archwitch' for the council's first event'…"

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_I don't think I like how I wrote this chapter. It just doesn't have a good structure and a good choice of words... I at first planned more comedy in this, but I pulled myself into a dramatic, dark plot that started in the introduction, and I'm sorry for that. If this chapter didn't interest you, then I hope the next chapter will._


	2. The Archwitch Free Time 1

**_Free Time Lesson No. 1: Beware the Gamers_**

Afternoon struck the Gods Castle like a heat wave, and Idler wasn't happy about that. With a game console on her hand, she continued to lazily tap buttons and move the analog stick. "It's so hot, today…" she muttered to herself, unaware that, behind her, a tentacle beast emerged from the darkness of her messy wardrobe, eyes full of lustful intent.

Idler could feel something crawling up her skin. It was slimy, long, and tender (?), and it was grossing her out, but she tried to not care. She was already on her way to a high score, so everything around her didn't matter, especially the slimy thing. Still, it was strangely crawling from her legs up her thighs, closing on her body. Still, who gives a damn?

"Oh yes, just a hundred more points to a high score…" Idler's tone was a mix of thrill and boredom, even though it has been her lifelong dream to get the highest score in history. Her mind was fixated on the game, which was surprising, seeing how lazy she was, physically and mentally, but that changed when something pulled her up from the ground (The Fire Nation!), nearly causing her to let go of the console and lose.

That was when a laugh filled her room. Weak, tired, and full of evil meanings, it was Mind Flayer and her octopus, whose tentacles were gently caressing the lazy girl's body. "Ahah… Ha… Afternoon, Idler…" the Valkyrie gave an intimidating giggle and a cocky grin. Idler only stayed silent and continued playing her game, trying hard to ignore the tentacles wrapping around her thighs and torso, no matter how arousing it felt.

One tentacle wrapped itself around her chest, massaging them and stroking the tip. Idler found herself holding back a moan as she tried to continue her focus on the game. Seeing how she was still ignoring her, Mind Flayer's octopus stepped his own game up. Taking the top of her dress, it pulled it down, exposing Idler's body, and bra, to the elements. Again, she nearly lost focus on her game, but she tried to ignore it. Of course, that failed when the tentacles ripped her bra off.

Well, **now** her upper body was FULLY exposed to the elements, her large, round breast being stared down by the octopus. "What are you doing, Mind Flayer?" she asked, a bit out of breath from all the concealed moans. Of course, she didn't respond. It wasn't her who was doing all this; it was the octopus, which had close to total control of her mind.

With one quick maneuver, the tentacles latched on to her breasts, squeezing, squishing, pulling and sucking on them, as if it thought something (_COUGH, COUGH, COUGHmilkCOUGH, COUGH_) was going to come out from the two mounds.

Now she was only ten points away from a high score, but with her breasts being fondled this way, it was near impossible to continue the game. But her perseverance urged her to continue, and she couldn't say no. But she could have because of this crazy girl playing with her boobs! "S-stop…!" her voice rose, but Mind Flayer wouldn't listen. She was too far into the octopus' plan.

Something made Idler cringe in horror. The tentacles, they were going under her dress, insidiously spreading below the clothing she wore. "No, no, stop…!" to her, it felt like she was screaming, but really, she was actually muttering, so Mind Flayer didn't take much notice to her statement. She allowed her underwater friend to continue doing what it wanted to do, and it was likely … Umm… Taking the first time away… (?)

Now Idler could feel the octopus' tentacles all over her body, and a few were closing in on her sensitive area. With tentacles massaging her breast and caressing her whole body, it felt like a hellish heaven. "J-just one more point…!" she groaned to herself. By then, the tentacles reached the sensitive area, only blocked by her… um… pantsu.

"**Game Over**," the game screamed into the ears of the two. Idler's eyes froze in horror. She was SO close to getting the high score, but failed. Even Mind Flayer stopped. The octopus had sensed something in the air. It felt like rage so powerful that even volcanoes dwarfed it. "**YOU…**" Idler's voice seeped dread and revenge. The tentacles immediately left her, cowering in fear.

In an instance, Idler swung her game console into both Mind Flayer's and octopus' face, sending them flying back into the wardrobe from whence they came. She literally dealt 999999 damage in that one hit, and she wasn't even tired. Heck, she only adjusted her clothes, sat back down and continued playing as if nothing ever happened.

"Don't you dare come out…" she growled, "Or I'm gonna dry you and eat you…"


	3. The Archwitch Free Time 2

**_Lesson No. 2: Beware the Puns_**

"I DON'T like this GAME…" groaned Angra Mainyu, a game controller awkwardly positioned on her hand. "Well, that's because you don't know how to play it, stupid," Beelzebub jokingly grinned. Still, she understood why Mainyu hated the game. She loved destruction, and the game they were playing wasn't about destroying anything.

"I want to EXIT this game," she explained, "But HOW…?" It wasn't that Mainyu was stupid. Of course she wasn't, but it was just her experience with the entertainment world. Everything she touched, she would destroy, but today she had told Beelzebub that she wanted to play video games, because it was her first time actually not destroying something and actually using it. "Well, press the start button," she pointed to the little button on the controller, and Mainyu did as she was told. "So what NEXT?" she asked, her voice rising and lowering as if it was an instinct, and it was…

"Well, you have to go and press the 'Quit' button," as she was explaining, she had thought up a funny pun in her head, and she was about to say it in this moment, "And it'll return you to the Main 'Mainyu'." She burst out in gleeful laughter, but Mainyu only groaned at the pun. "How PATHETIC you are…" she retaliated, but Beelzebub wasn't listening. Instead she was making more puns with her name.

"Hey, waiter," she mockingly joked with a finger below her nose, as if it were a moustache, and with her eyes closed, "Can you bring me the 'Mainyu'. I wish to order something! HAHAHAHA!" Beelzebub laughed until there were tears coming out of her eyes, "Damn, that was SOOOOOooooo funny! I love your name, Angra!" She stopped for a second and calmed down. And at that moment, "You hungry? I got some Angra-nola bars! HAHAHA!"

"Hey, what sound do you make when you try to be cute? Is it 'Mai-nyu~~'! HAHAHAHA! I love that one!" By now, Angra's mind was boiling over. "Stop IT…" she growled, trying to shut her up with as little violence as possible (As the Gods had told them not to fight). Unfortunately, she didn't stop… "Angry Angra, Angry Angra~!" sang Beelzebub. Mainyu didn't know what was worse, the horrendous song she made for her, or her horrendous voice singing the horrendous song…

"THAT'S IT!" she screamed and started chasing Beelzebub through the hallway, with killing intent in her eyes. All through the castle, the other Valkyries saw the two running pass, and everyone peculiarly heard the same thing while the two passed by:

"ANGRY ANGRA! ANGRY ANGRA!" Beelzebub screamed in terror as she ran faster from Angra Mainyu.


	4. The Archwitch Free Time 3

**Lesson No. 3: Beware the Diary Keeper**

Footsteps echoed through the empty hallway. The sounds of huffs and puffs of air entered no one's ears, and the pitter and patter of the rain outside gave her the chills. "Today…!" Star Reader muttered to herself, almost breathlessly. Her crystal ball was carefully rested on her arms, slightly glowing with energy. Where was she going? And why was she carrying her crystal ball?

Bursting through the library door, the Valkyrie found everyone else, except for Alice, to be inside. They all watched her with surprise and suspicion, and awkward silence fell. It went on for some time, the others waiting for Star Reader to catch her breath, but Gaap broke the silence, "What is it? I do not have as much free time as the others, you know?"

Star Reader immediately replied, "I finished reading the stars…! Today is the day!" With that quote, everyone's eyes brightened up, and Little Devil rose from her seat and cried in delight, "Hahah! Today marks the day we read Alice's diary! Come on, guys, let's go get it!"

* * *

Snoring loudly, Alice slept on her giant, tree stump-shaped bed. Her messy, blond hair was all over the place: On the pillow, under the pillow, in the pillow, on her face, in her mouth, it was just everywhere, okay!? She was a mess compared to her tidy room, where every cookie jar was polished to perfection, every deck of cards properly organized (Wait, deck of cards?), and every bunny doll clean and not torn on any seams. And in the very corner of the room, on a wooden table was a diary, and a few cookie crumbs (Okay, that was not tidy at all).

Slowly, the window opened, and Fox Spirit, who had turned into a fox, crept into the room. On her ears were little headphones made of data. "Are you inside the designated location?" Hacker's voice echoed through the headphones. "Yeah, and I can see the diary…" the spirit's squeaky voice replied as her soft paws cat-walked their way to the book of unlimited fortune. In a comedic fashion, the spirit was humming a very familiar theme to herself (The Pink Panther's, of course) as she tiptoed through, though this was stopped when Hacker told her to shut up through the headphone.

"There's no chair! I can't reach the diary!" Fox Spirit whispered into the headphones. "Well, transform into a human, then!" Hacker's stern voice filled the fox's ears, causing her to whimper. She silently transformed, grabbed the book, placed it on her mouth, and transformed back. The siprit immediately left the scene of the crime through the same window.

* * *

"This is it?" Rhea hovered over the pink polka dotted book, her curiosity taking control of her, "Doesn't look like it holds big secrets…" "Of course it does! I can just smell the gold radiating off of it!" replied Mammon. Alp, with a towel draped over her like a coat, said, "Maybe I can find some leads of a virgin nearby…" Everyone stared at her in surprise, but she wasn't fazed by their petty stares, "What? Is it not wrong for me to look for men who still have their virginity?" Cait Sith cupped her mouth, as if trying to hold back vomit.

"Um, okay… So how do we open it?" Undine asked the others, but judging by the looks of most of their faces, they didn't know how to open it. "Well, the diary is kept closed by a lock… so maybe there's a key somewhere…?" Dark Mystic muttered monotonously, seemingly uninterested. "A lock?" Hacker repeated the statement. She slowly approached it, and held up her arms. Two holographic panels appeared and she started to type into it. After a while, she spoke, "I can't hack into it…" "HUH?!" yelled Calypso, unimpressed of Hacker's lackluster experience with books, "THIS AIN'T A COMPUTER PROGRAM! IT'S A FREAKING BOOK!"

Well, now it was time for the Valkyries to ponder for a solution to open the book. It wasn't that hard, it was just a lock. But a powerful lock it was, made of steel blessed by the Gods to not melt, crack, rust or, in general, get pulverized. "Maybe we should steal the key too?" Fox Spirit suggested, although it was given negative feedback in the form of facial expressions.

"Maybe…" Leviathan placed a finger on her chin, as if she was thinking very hard about a solution. "Maybe Livvy can destroy the book and lock with her tail!" Everyone's jaws smashed on the floor when she suggested her idea. "H-huh?! Destroy the book! That sounds violent!" Cu Sith cried with a scared, over-the-top expression pasted on her face. "WE'RE NOT HERE TO DESTROY THE BOOK, LEVIATHAN!" It was Little Devil's turn to scream to her ears, causing her to flinch in fright, "B-but, when you said 'destroy', Livvy thought 'destroy the book'…"

"Destroy…?" Angra's eyebrows perked up, "I CAN do THAT…" Beelzebub started to snicker, "Maybe you can destroy the lock with your fancy guns and swords, Angra." And sure enough, the Valkyrie was aiming all her weaponry at the diary, ready to go 'PEW! PEW!' and 'BAM! BAM!'. "WAIT! IF YOU SHOOT, THE BOOK'S GONNA BE DESTROYED TOO!"

"We could just ask Alice for the key…" Idler gave a loud yawn as she lazily rested her head on the table. Of course, there was negative feedback, "Are you KIDDING ME?! HOW LAZY CAN YOU GET WHEN IT COMES TO SITUATIONS LIKE THIS!?" Fungus screamed, but with just one glare from the near-sleeping Valkyrie, she shut up in fear of reenacting what happened between her and Mind Flayer.

"Wait…" Fungus realized, "Where's Mind Flayer, anyway?"

"Did I not put her outside Alice's room so that she can alert us if she wakes up?" asked Lich. Now everyone's eyes were upon her. "Isn't her octopus a pervert…" said Idler. "But Alice does not seem like she has much cleavage," assumed Light Mystic. "Nah," replied Ghost, who had attracted everyone's attention, "The last time I saw her dressing, her C-cup bra couldn't fit her anymore."

"Wait, wait, wait," Beelzebub flailed her hands in front of her, trying to take in all the information, "SHE HAS BIGGER BOOBS THAN ME!?" A few of the Valkyries started to snicker, seeing how Beelzebub **actually** had the second smallest breast in the whole group, excluding Kaguya, who was strangely still growing. "W-well, at least I beat Cu Sith in boob size…" she sobbed in both sadness and happiness, cupping her own tiny breast in the process.

"Wait…" Light Mystic stopped the girl talk, "What was the octopus' favourite breast size?" That was when all hell broke loose in their minds. "A 'D'…" At the same moment, a deafening crash entered their ears. It was coming from outside, and sure enough, when they looked out of the door; they saw Mind Flayer, whose head was forcefully smashed into the wall.

Immediately after that, Alice flew through the hallway, kicking the Valkyrie through the wall and shocking the others. The blonde turned her head and, strangely enough, saw the diary. "My…" she muttered, her hair flowing in the air (Super Saiyan...), "DIARY!"

"OH GOD!" they all screamed in unison, before they barred the door with bookcases, shelves and Leviathan's humongous tail. "Come on, think, how are we going to open this book!?" Calypso grasped the book, her hands tightening their grip on the square collection of paper.

They could hear Alice's shoulders pounding on the door, striking fear into the hearts of the other Valkyries. Books fell off the shelves, and the door was breaking as its splinters pointed menacingly at the girls. The Valkyries started to push on the door, trying their best to stop her from coming in. Well, that was until Alice's hand shot through the wood and started to try and grasp the others, nearly seizing Undine's arm, but instead tearing the wood off a shelf she accidentally grabbed.

"After Mind Flayer tried to molest me…!" Alice growled behind the nearly destroyed door, "YOU TAKE MY DAMN DIARY! I AM GOING TO END YOU!" Her raging declaration stabbed each of the Valkyries in the heart. "Panic mode activated…" muttered Hacker, her tone as dull as ever. As the others tried to reinforce the door, Little Devil and Mammon were trying to unlock the lock that separated everyone from the luscious secrets.

"Umm, maybe I can blast the lock with my magic? No, that won't work!" the devil's mind was swimming in doubt and failure. Surely this lock can never be opened in any possible and plausible way!

"Oh, wait," a light bulb shone on Mammon's head as she remembered a vital part of her ability, "Because I'm the keeper of all treasures, surely I have a key…" stretching her arms in front of her, she twirled her hands, and a key mysteriously appeared between her fingers. Little Devil only gawked in surprise, dumbfounded that the Valkyrie had forgotten what she could do. She quickly shook her head, in an attempt to snap out of her trance, and swiped the key off Mammon's fingers.

"Yes…!" she fit the key into the hole, "YES!" She frantically unlocked the lock, and success was one step closer. Now was the next phase: Opening the book. Mammon's hand gently opened the book, and they were so close to the secrets…

When Alice kicked the door with so much force, it blasted through the door, and a wooden plank smacked dead-center on Mammon's and Little Devil's head, sending their faces smashing on the pages. "Now…!" Alice clenched her teeth and pulled up her sleeves, "You can't move for FOUR TURNS… That's all the time I need…"

…

"Hey, girls!" Alice burst through the door, a bubbly smile on her face, as she greeted the cast-wearing Valkyries on the bed. Surprisingly, everyone had broken bones, scars, bruises, bleeding wounds and other injuries. All of them started groaning when she arrived, still angry about what happened. "Hey, don't make those noises. It doesn't make you look cute!" she giggled.

The Valkyries then noticed a basket on her arms, and Alice noticed their curiosity. "Oh, what's in the basket? It's…" her smile slowly molded into a wicked grin, "All your diaries…"

They all gave muffled screams as Alice read all their diaries out loud.

* * *

**_(P.S. After this chapter, I'll be going back to a serious phrase. No more Mr. Nice-guy, time for some ACTION)_**


	5. An Archwitch is Lost

Cupid, Lich and Succubus were gone. That was what the Gods said. They had embarked on the event, but never returned on the last day. "They has sided with the Lords!" one of the female Gods clenched her fist, "They of weak heart! Who has taken her away from us!?" The bearded God glanced at her, before saying, "One by the name of 'Shawn'. A newcomer, it seems…"

While the Gods were fussing around, the Valkyries were all seated in the Castle's Library, with all, if not most, of them with gloomy faces. "I can't believe it…" Daphne sighed, "Three of us have came and went… I am starting to miss them…" Idler snored in reply.

Now, here's the thing: None of them knew that the three had sided with the Lords. They had no clue as to where they were. The Gods had told them that they were dead or missing in action, a simple lie that deceived everyone, even the new Archwitches (Yes, that was their title now. Not 'Valkyrie').

"SOOOOOooooo what's gonna happen to us?" said the little girl in the opposite side of the table, her big eyes dulled by an upside-down smile and a pumpkin hat. She was a new Archwitch, by the name of Candy. Because of her innocent looks, no one wanted her, so she was cast away from the summons list, until the gods found her and took her in. She was a curious one, her mind not catching up to the others.

"Maybe they won't pick any more Archwitches for the future events, seeing what a failure the past two were…" Hacker replied, her monotonous voice not giving any significance. "I DON'T think so… I heard THAT they're PLANNING another event ARCHWITCH…" said Angra.

Her statement made everyone worry and anxious about whom was to be the next one. Only Joker, another newcomer, was unfazed by the miserable atmosphere. "Hey, hey, stop being whinny babies." She attracted everyone's attention, "Okay, the others weren't the Gods' trump card, but we might be! We just need to work hard for the next event, and see if we can beat the Lords and drive them away!"

Everyone raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Yeah… Much motivation…" Idler yawned. A small smile grew on Alice's face, and she rose up from the chair and declared, "Yeah! We can do anything if we work hard enough! Come on guys, lets join hands and beat the Lords!"

Of course, only the newcomers joined hands, because the others were still afraid of what happened between them and her diary…

* * *

Cu Sith's ears perked up, and so did Cait Sith's, interrupting them from their 'Archwitch Training'. It felt like a wave of sound moved through the entire castle, and they could hear the noise. "Was that…" said Cu Sith. "A bell…" Cait Sith finished her friend's sentence. And sure enough, it was a bell, because the Gods have chosen the next Event's Archwitch, and they were about to call them.

"CU SITH…!" a voice echoed through the castle, "AND CAIT SITH! COME TO THE GODS THRONE ROOM IMMEDIATELY!" Cu Sith and Cait Sith's eyes lighted up when they heard the announcement. "I can't believe it…" muttered Cu Sith, "We're the next ARCHWITCHES!" She immediately hugged the other Archwitch next to her, and she hugged back in joy. It was as if they had forgotten what had tragically happened to their other friends.

* * *

"So what's the new event, my Gods?" asked Cait Sith. Towering above her were the shadows of the Gods, who were ready to answer her questions. "Look outside the window, my dear…" said a gentle, female voice. She and Cu Sith did as they were told, and to their amazement, a large floating island was below them, full of clouds, trees, mountains and waterfalls.

"That is the Sacred Beast Island…"


End file.
